Life = Troubles???

Well, well, well.. Here I am again.. A WHOLE month later.. I told myself I would start updating my blog regularly but as I've shown that was a big load.. But in my defense, I have been REAL busy.. [1] I got a new job.. YAY for me!! It is still somewhat in the same field as I was before, minus the engineer title, but now I am a software developer for the State. So big ups to me...lol [2] I am working on getting atleast one of my novels published. I have been sending out query letters like crazy. [3] I've been getting my pencil wet. [A lil phase I just coined just now.. You know, like getting your foot wet (as in trying something new and getting started at it).. Yeah, well 'getting my pencil wet'.. Give it a while, you will get it later].. So, I'm entering A LOT of writing contests and competitions and I'm also working on freelancing with different magazines and newspapers.. Since my degree is in electrical engineering, my name is not really out there for journalism so I'm trying to do that.. [4] My best friend is having a baby and is getting married next month.. YAY!! [5] I have a boyfriend...

Now that last one, about the boyfriend, is really my reason for this blog entry..

I am just finding out that being in a relationship is hard. Now, I'm sure a lot of people have already figured it out, but I guess that memo skipped my door.. Just to clear up, I have been in numerous relationships before. Way to many, might I add. Some short-lived, some long term. Some long-distance, some constant-visits.. But I have NEVER been in one like this before. You know the ones where love is shared between both parties and talks of the future is constant. Yeah, that one..

Well me and my beau, have been serious for about a year now.. I have known him for about 4 years.. [this one year of seriousness, plus 3 others].. We met as friends, instantly hit it off, fell apart, separated, then tried it again.. This time, I have a feeling that it is going to last for the long haul... BUT It will be a ROUGH long haul..

The short version: He have A LOT of stuff going on in his life right now, so the strong bond that we once had is sort of fading away. Now, I know that that bond will return stronger than ever but the time that is needed for it to mend is becoming long and drawn out.. Deep down, there are a lot of personality traits that I have that conflicts with a relationship.. [Side Note: This will be the only time these traits will be mentioned EVER!!..lol] I'm spoiled; always got everything that I wanted, have two loving parents that always gave me a pleasurable life, and is painfully unfamiliar with the word 'no'. I'm selfish; although I have two other siblings, we each had our own and we never went without. I'm stubborn; I want what I want, when I want, how I want. Those three traits can ruin a relationship, and honestly speaking, they are ruining mine..

My boyfriend is having some family issues therefore he can not be all about me.. At one time he was; he was always there and every second of every day I knew that he loved me. Now is he occupied with his family, so now he is not always there and because of the situation with his family he is most times mad, upset, or aggravated.. I am trying to be an understanding girlfriend, but this have been going on for a while now and probably won't be over for a while. Because of my selfish-stubborn-spoiled trait, I want things to be like they was and I hate that he is not there for me like he used to so I also get mad and upset.. I love this man with all my heart, but dang can't enough be enough...

As already stated, my selfishness, stubborness, and spoiled attitude is ruining my relationship.. I tried to change my ways, but I will be 25 in EXACTLY A MONTH -- Oct. 25th.. BABY!!..lol {oh my fault got side tracked..lol}... I tried changing my ways but that is how I been my whole life so they are pretty much set in stone.. So, basically my life as I know it equals troubles..

[to be continued...]