Love Fulfilled -- PART 1

Well, well, well... Where to begin?? Well to start.. I'M MARRIED!!! WHOA!!!!!

It took A LOT of soul searching and self-rebuilding to get to this point, but I made it.. I must admit the road was not a smooth one. I went through my share of men. I did some wrong, some did me wrong, and in some we both did wrong..

I have been cheated on in the past. I have been cheated on by men that I thought I loved. I have been cheated on by men that I thought loved me. I remembered my very first boyfriend. [I think] I was a senior in high school. [Yea, I was a lil shy back then and me approaching boys was not my main agenda so I sort of pushed that part on the back burner. Don't get me wrong, I used to talk to guys but it was nothing 'high school' serious and my main concern was my studies]

Anywho... Well actually my first boyfriend is a blur. I guess that is why my love life to follow was such a mess. My first boyfriend is a toss between 4 guys. [I know, bad] One I met at a parade and, at this moment, I don't remember his name. The other was a guy from my church. The other was a guy from school and the other was my cousin's cousin [through marriage].

Thinking hard, I think the guy from church was my first boyfriend [I was a junior in high school at the time] BUT I don't even think the word boyfriend or girlfriend was used. Maybe just a coincidence, but he cheated on me. That relationship was so jacked up. We was both shy so the relationship was basically forced by others from church and our convo while in the relationship was also forced. Some days we would see each other at church and not speak to each other, solely out of shyness. Anyways, my best friend came to me one day [or maybe called.. I don't remember. It was about 11 years ago] and told me that she seen my 'boyfriend' walking with a white chick and she was wearing his jacket and chain. At that time, wearing a mate's clothing was 'the thing'. So I was basically like whatever.. [Thinking about it, in all of my relationships I was like whatever] But I called him the next day and asked him about it. Of course he lied but I ended it anyways..

I also realized that I was not much for relationships anyways.. Probably throughout my whole dating career, I always had a back up plan. Or at least that is what I called it. Even when I had a boyfriend, when asked I said I didn't.

But anyways, while with the boy from church, me and my family went to the Zulu, Rex, and Truck parade. [They are parades that passes on Mardi Gras morning in New Orleans] I met a dude [the one who name I can't remember] and when asked I told him I didn't have a boyfriend. We talked on the phone for a while cause he lived like an hour away. Well, come to find out, the boy from the parade and the boy from my church were cousins. [Yeah they had the same last name, but Hayes is a common last name] Anyways, the boy from the parade confronted me, I lied and we parted. [Or at least I thought he did. The parade boy used to call me every year around the same time trying to spark a relationship again. It aggravated so much cause the last thing I want is a clinging male. So I changed my number] Thinking about it, the boy from church never mentioned it, I guess because he was so shy or because he was doing his own dirt. I don't remember if the parade boy used boyfriend/girlfriend or not either.

The next two boys came around the same time; the boy from school and my cousin's cousin. I seen my cousin's cousin at a parade about 2 years before then and the boy was FINE!!! He was the cutest thing I ever seen up to that point. Well since he was my cousin's cousin, I told her how I thought he was cute and she set up a meet for us. We met, he thought I was cute too, and we started talking. We communicated for a long time [in high school years] from April to January of the next year. That was during the end of my senior year cause in May I graduated. He said he loved me and I really felt that he did. [Or at least in a high school way anyways] I also had strong feelings for him too [Or so I thought] We broke up in January cause I was a freshman in college and he was a senior in high school [two TOTALLY different levels...lol]

I remember the day we broke up like yesterday. I was still off for winter break and my cousin [his cousin] was staying over until her school started back [she was also still in high school]. It was the first day that he returned back to school and around 9AM [I was still sleep] the house phone rung. My cousin answered cause it was closer to her and within seconds passed the phone to me. My then-boyfriend told me how he found out that I was talking to another boy while off for college. [The boy from college was from the same town as my then-boyfriend.. I sure knew how to pick them...lol] Come to find out, the boy from college lil cousin was telling everyone at school how me and the boy from college was talking and, of course, my then-boyfriend was amidst the convo. The relationship didn't officially end that morning, but it did that night. Right after we hung up the phone, I had to run to the bathroom to throw up. I remember thinking at the time how it was just like the movies. When something bad would happen the person would throw up cause the emotions messed up their stomach. So when I threw up I was thinking that it was either a scene out of the movies or the stale Chinese rice I ate the night before. Later that night after he got home from school, he called. We talked about everything and broke up. I felt so bad because he cried.. [and also because I cared for him] I know because his lil brother walked in the room while we was on the phone and started asking what was wrong and why he was crying. He pushed his lil brother out the room so fast. That was the first boy I ever made cry. [It's sad to say my first... but hey] Our relationship didn't end there. For the next 3 years, we tried a relationship again numerous times, but each time lasted no longer than a month or two. One time it only lasted for 3 days...lol Oh, this relationship fall out was not totally my fault.. Sometime in the summer, my best friend [AGAIN.. She is always telling me the dirt] told me how she heard that my then-boyfriend was trying to get back with his ex. I confronted him, he lied [well maybe.. I am still not sure to this day.] but we stayed together.

That boy from school [high school] came in May. We started talking the beginning of May, he took me to prom then right after we broke up. The way we broke up was so cruel. He was the sweetest boy but there was nothing there for me... He used to walk me to every class everyday. Well, while walking me to my last class for the day [since I was a senior my last class ended at noon] I gave him a note that I wrote the night before. I told him don't read it until he gets to class. The note basically said 'you are a nice person, but I don't like you and don't want to be with you either.' [I know.. harsh.. I was a lil b!tch back then]

It is no surprise every relationship thereafter was so horrible cause karma hit me like a baseball bat. But I can't blame anyone but myself. It is just a shame to start cheating straight out the bag. And I really didn't have a reason to cheat.. I did it 'just cause'...

TO BE CONTINUED...