Love...

Love... I went back and forth on whether I should follow that mysterious word with a question mark or a period. Why a question mark? Because as of today I still don't know exactly what love means and what it brings. I thought about a period but because I don't fully understand it, I can't possibly be informative about it. So I went with the simple, yet feasible dot-dot-dot...

I just seen Sex and the City, the movie. It was one of the best movies I have ever seen throughout my lifetime. I rented it, but I think I may very well buy it. I suggest that any person who have ever been in love, who is in love now, or who would like to be in love sometime in their future watch this movie. This movie questioned my meaning of love and broaden my awareness.

Samantha's story really brought love to light. She was in a relationship for over 5 years, but in the end she chose herself over her mate. I gave her a round of applause. The notion of love was mentioned. Thinking about it all the stories of love brought love to light. Carrie have been with Big for years. They had their ups and downs. Big brought an apartment, then the thought of what if entered Carrie's mind. So, they agreed to get married, but on the wedding day Big got cold feet and confessed his fears by stating 'he just couldn't get out of the car'. After 6+ months of no contact, their essence of love shined and was finally named Mr and Mrs Big. Steve confessed that he cheated to Miranda, but only after their marital troubles was highlighted. Divorce was mentioned, but after a 6+ months separation, their love shined and they shared their love intimately. Charlotte loved happily and stayed happy. All in all, all aspects of love was highlighted. From cheating to heartache to tears to fears to smiles to frowns to confusion to regret to endless love. Love was captured and love definitely shined.

What exactly does being in love mean? Does it mean giving up one's self? Does it mean changing one's self to appeal to another's image? Does it mean acting a certain, yet pleasing way? Does it mean repaying someone else for their love? Does it mean putting the person you love happiness above your own? Does it mean being all about the person that you love? Does being in love always have to be about 'we' and no more 'I'? What the hell is love? And why is it so complicated?

I'm in love now, but maybe the relationship I have with myself is more valuable than the relationship I have with my boyfriend. I love him so much that I only want to see him happy. I do and say anything that is needed to make him feel like the best man on earth, but in the process I have lost sight of myself. I try so hard to make him feel special, but yet I don't feel special. I try so hard to make him happy, but yet I am not happy. I bend and bend to fulfill his needs, but yet my needs are left unmet. I feel all of this, but yet I am in love.

So what exactly is love? When in love, must you put yourself second? When in love, must your sole purpose be to provide happiness for the one that you are in love with? When in love, does everything else not matter?

Love? What the hell is it? How does it suppose to make you feel? When in love, true love, should both parties be completely happy? If so, then what am I in?

Why can't love be defined in book? Why can't the true definition of being in love be found on Wikipedia? Why can't I go to my mentor and question the meaning of love? Why can't I Google love and find a clear and direct meaning? Why must love be so complicated?

Love...